I completely agree with Richard. Having nearly 15 years in law enforcement I can tell you that the vast majority of cases involving an abuser of this level will only result in an ever-increasing level of violence against you – until DEATH! You cannot solve his problems – medical, psychological, and his own drug abuse. Staying in that relationship can only end in tragedy for you.

I understand your concern for him and his health issues, but his actions have clearly identified his inability to control himself. You remain in peril as long as you are near him!

Get help! Contact your local shelter, or abuse hotline and they will provide you a wealth of information on how to get help. If you are unwilling to go to the police, you should at least seek a protection order.

Good luck.

You have every reason to be afraid. Your own intellect is telling you that bad things are going to happen. If you ignore the warnings you may not live to realize your error. You must find a way to separate yourself from this abuser. That means finding separate living arrangements, and quite possibly completely separating contact with her.

Contact your local abuse hotlines to seek help and get assistance. You should also seek a protection order. In many states, the protection order will allow you to stay in the residence while the abuser has to leave. This is a temporary solution until there is a hearing on the matter in the court, but it might give you time to prepare for your living arrangements.

Good luck – Get out so you can live!

You need to seek professional assistance. I suggest calling the police. If you do not want to talk to a police officer, there should still be a victim advocate with the local law enforcement agency or prosecutors office that you can talk to. Additionally, there is likely to be a local support group or agency that can assist.

You have to seek out the assistance and ask for help. Good luck.

-Richard

Your situation is far too complex for a simple answer. However, I believe you are in serious danger and should seek police assistance immediately. The person who is violent toward you will not stop, and the violence will become worse with time. Many of the things you mentioned are indicators of lethality, suggesting that your odds of being killed by this man are significantly greater for you than for most other people.

Time for therapy is long past. It is my belief that you now need to find a safe way out of this violent relationship before you are killed. Contact your local police department or women’s shelter for immediate assistance and support.

He is responsible for his actions: not you and not society. He is the one who has ruined his life: not you and not society. Get out now while you still can.

-Richard

I don’t want to drop the whole saga here, but he has strangled me three times. The first time was when he was switching medication and got some devastating news. He stopped of his own volition, springing back in horror. Therapist and pdoc said that it was related to the medication. Two years later this September, we were in a fight, it escalated, he became paranoid and psychotic, and attempted to strangle and hit me again. This was minor, there was pain or bruising or difficulty breathing. He was again remorseful and we went right to psychiatrist to get medication for psychosis. That was about a month ago. Last night we had a fight, it escalated. Recently I had been prescribed Vicodin for back pain and he told me he was uneasy with it being in the house when I first started three weeks ago, but had seemed to adjust just fine.

Last night he was crying and said “It’s taking every ounce of strength to not leap up and throw you on the floor to get that vicodin and get high. I just want to stop being me for a little while.” I told him that I admired his strength and would remove the temptation. He came in after I had flushed the vicodin and began strangling me, demanding that I give it to him. This time it hurt, I felt blood thudding in my ears and could talk but just barely. I did not lose consciousness. After about a minute I talked him down and we called his therapist, who calmed him down enough for him to get to sleep.

He was extremely remorseful. I know that when he is “himself” I am safe, but I also know that the episodes come on very quickly, and now I know that when they do, I am at risk.

I support him completely financially, but we have been discussing his moving out, and I believe he has to now. He is looking into applying for medical disability and both this therapist and pdoc think that is appropriate.

12 hours later, my neck feels swollen, there are some faint bruises starting to emerge, and redness. There is a place of pain on my right larynx and I can swallow fine, but it hurts. It feels a bit better than last night. My whole throat area aches. I cannot get medical attention because they are obligated to report it as domestic violence. Anything I can do to help it myself? He is only 28, a type 1 diabetic with neuropathy in his legs, I don’t want to ruin his life. But I do want to take care of myself.

I think I should get out of this situation, as I have trouble fighting back because I wouldn’t want to hurt her and she is probably about at least as strong as me anyway. She is really a sweet person when she is not enraged. After she realized what she had done she was genuinely remorseful, but still I was lucky to wake up. She said I was unconscious for over 5 minutes and she thought I was dead.

Also its kind of embarrassing to be on the opposite side of this kind of abuse. I find it difficult to talk about it, even to my therapist, like I’m a weakling for getting strangled by my girlfriend.

i pressed charges, and now we have a 5 year order of protection. I still question whether i was right because he constantly blames me for everything.
Reading all of your comments really do make me feel better. i am sad we have all had to deal with this but its good to know im not alone.
i have alot of intimacy problems now, and have flashbacks of being strangled. i dont know what to do. its been over a year and i still cant get over it

I also strongly encourage you to report this to the local law enforcement agency. Depending on the laws of your state, the attack can be considered attempted murder or aggravated battery. Anyone who would do this to a loved one is more likely than others to actually kill you.

Even if you don’t call the police, please seek medical assistance.

Good luck,

Richard