Can You Help This Reader…?

police humorI get a lot of e-mails from police officers and citizens around the United States.  I try to help everyone I can by directing them to a person, organization or other resource if I don’t know the answer.  Sometimes, however, I get a question that I am simply unable to answer.

Here is the most recent question I have received:

Hi BlueSheepDog,

I am currently a victim of this and I am unsure as to what to do… I have been completely hacked with.. my memory, me as a whole, body and mind by a cop using neurology and an rpn device.My face was shaking after phone.

Anyone care to take a stab at figuring out what this person is even talking about?  I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.

Speed Enforcement Signs – Citizen Complaint

Budgets are shrinking and there are fewer cops on the street.  Anyone in patrol certainly recognizes the effects of decreased manpower:  no preventative patrols, no time to hit hot spots, going from call to call often without backup and missed meals.  Even so, some citizens expect officers to babysit their own special complaint, when in the grand scheme of things, their issue is relatively minor.

Take this guy, for example.  He’s upset that there are not any officers enforcing speed limits along one stretch of road.  Additionally, he is complaining about the arial speed enforcement signs.  The video is only about a minute long, and even though we all hear complaining all day long, it is worth watching to the end…

Monday Morning Humor

What the Police Would Like the Public to Know

Your 5 year old kid getting pushed down by another 5 year old kid is NOT a police matter; talk to the other kid’s parents, not the police.

If your kid won’t do his homework or do his chores, 911 is not the answer.

If a cop causes a car accident, we usually get a ticket, and sometimes we get suspended.  When is the last time you got 3 days off (without pay) for rear-ending a guy at Wal-Mart ?

If you think you can fan all the pot smoke out of the car before we smell it, good luck.

We know you’ve had more than two beers. When I’ve had two beers, I didn’t hit six parked cars, drive my car through the front doors of a Toys-R-Us, piss my pants or pass out at a traffic light.

[Read more…]

Stupid Human Tricks

Stupid Human TricksAs I am approaching my 24th year as a police officer, I have noticed a distinct and increasing lack of patience on my part when it comes to understanding the ridiculous reasons people actually pick up a phone and dial 911.

These have happened on Midnights in the last several weeks:

  • Drunken man calls 911 to report roommate threw ashes on his cat.
  • Drunken man calls 911 to report poor service at fast food restaurant.
  • Drunken woman calls 911 to have her daughter committed for wanting to move away.

Before you say, “Well, there is one operative word in the above nonsensical calls,” here are some Dayshift calls I’ve copied:

  • Sober parent calls 911 because their child won’t go to school (one of my favorites).
  • Sober man calls 911 to report neighbor is blowing grass cuttings into the street.
  • Sober girl calls 911 to report she got pretzels instead of chips for lunch.

I realize that sometimes people call 911 because the immediate issue in their lives seems to be an emergency, but Seriously?

[Read more…]