According to the National District Attorneys Association, 10% of violent deaths in the United States are attributable to strangulation. That is a huge number, and one that demands police officers properly investigate and document strangulation cases. Recognizing the signs of strangulation is the first step in prosecuting this type of battery.
Typically, the first indicator a police officer may have in a strangulation case is the victim’s statements. The victim may say “He choked me!” This is a good first indicator of a serious attack.
A quick note about terminology. “Choking” is what happens when something lodges in the throat, blocking the airway. For example, a piece of food. “Strangulation” is what happens when someone grabs another person’s neck/throat, and begins to cut of air and blood flow. Most victims will say “choke,” but you better say “strangle” when testifying.
External signs of a strangulation victim may be very minor, if they are visible at all. San Diego conducted a survey of 300 misdemeanor strangulation cases. In 50% of the cases, there was no visible injuries. Another 35% had visible injuries so minor, that they would not show up in photographs. That means that the victims in only 15% of all strangulation cases studied had injuries significant enough to (1) be seen, and (2) be photographed.
When present, visible injuries may include:
- redness to the neck
- scratch marks on the neck (from the victim trying to remove her attacker’s hands)
- thumb print bruising
- petechiae (red spots) in the eyes, or in the skin of the neck, head, and face
- neck swelling
Additionally, a police officer may hear the victim’s voice as raspy, or the victim may even lose her voice entirely. About 50% of all strangulation victims experience a voice change from the physical trauma.
Other signs that strangulation has occured:
- the victim “blacked out” or lost consciousness
- the victim lost control of their bowels or bladder
- breathing difficulty
- unusual behavior changes
I strongly recommend that you have EMS respond to the scene for any victim of strangulation. Minor bruising to some of the neck muscles that are not even visible, can swell and cut off the blood flow causing death up to 36 hours after the attack. Even if the victim refuses treatment, you can show you provided every opportunity for her to receive treatment.
I’ll follow up this post with additional information on the lethality of strangulation, and suggestions on how to document it to enhance your ability to prosecute these cases.
Stay safe!
Additional articles on domestic violence strangulation:
About Richard
Richard is the publisher of BlueSheepdog.com. In addition to writing here, he publishes GunsHolstersAndGear.com and is a regular contributor to places like Human Events, Police & Security News and The Firearm Blog.
I read somewhere that strangulation in domestic violence cases is an indicator of severe abuse and that it should be “Red Flagged” for medical treatment.I cannot find the reference and need it for a resource for General Practitioners which I am preparing for Irish doctors and Practice Nurses.
Thanking you in advance,
mary troy
Mary,
I sent you an e-mail with some additional information. I hope it is of use. Please let me know if you do not receive it.
Don’t hesitate to let me know if there is anything else I can do to help.
Richard
I was strangled by a violent psychopath in my teens. One of the most striking features of the attack (to me – I’m not a clinician) , apart from my loss of voice and problems with breathing, was that a couple of hours after the attack a thin blood red line appeared at the bottom of the whites of my eyes. Over the next day or so the line gradually rose until the entire whites of my eyes were red. I did not receive any medical care as I was being held against my will at the time. Over the next few days the lines lowered again, always in a straight line. I am now, many years later, quite curious about this. I wonder why my eyes bled in this way? Reading your site I also realize how lucky I am to be alive. I don’t know if you answer queries from members of the public, I am also in the UK, but I would be very interested to hear why my eyes went red in this very uniform way. I am now 47 years old and it is painful to remember this stuff, but I also very much want to understand what happened to me. Thank you. Louise
Yesterday morning, I was strangled by my controlling boyfriend. When he let go he asked me for money then left. When he returned the police were waiting for him. Don’t know why i’m even typing this, but just wanted all girls, young ladies and women to know that you are so much better than your attacker. Call the police, press charges, get the restraining order and enj0y you new found freedom again. Enjoy your life. Right now, my neck is swollen, Tomorrow i need to return to work as if nothing happened. We need to be strong ladies. Even though you feel weak. Peace, Love & Tranquility to you all.
i’m glad you posted this so 4yrs later I could read this.
Janet,
Thank you for sharing your story. I hope that others can find strength from your experience.
Richard
For information regarding the medical aspects of strangulation, please feel free to contact me. I can also provide you with some articles from the medical literature regarding the health seriousness of strangulation.
DrT
http://www.healthaftertrauma.com
I was strangled by me ex about a year and a half ago. I had him arrested and got a restraining order. I had visible bruising and stretch/scratch marks on my neck for a week and a half and lost my voice for two days. I was lucky I didn’t lose my life. I didn’t see a doctor until a few days later, I was afraid and ashamed of what had happened to me. She said I could have permanent tissue damage as a result, but at that time there was no way to tell for sure. Since then I’ve had severe neck and back pain, sometimes to the point that I’m in tears for hours I can hardly get out of bed. Do you think it could be related? I’m almost afraid to go to the doctor because I’m afraid they’ll think I’m just lying to get pain medicine. I’m just afraid that they won’t believe me, but I don’t think I can handle being in pain every day for the rest of my life.
Ashley-Is there a domestic violence resource center near you? If so, they may be able to refer you to a medical professional that has experience with injuries related to abuse cases like yours. The physical effects of abuse can continue for some time.
Also, Dr. Ellen Taliaferro has a website on long-term medical issues related to abuse.
Janet, I to was strangled on the 15 of October by my I guess you can say jealous and very drunk boyfriend. I am very grateful to be alive and I am for you also. I work with him so this is going to make it difficult, I hope I have the strength like you to continue on and not fall back to the hold of him. Thank you for this site.
Kerri from Austin.
My friend was strangled last night and refused treatment at the hospital. Her voice is almost gone. How long does it usually take to come back?
Alyshia,
It all depends on the trauma that was inflicted and your friend’s natural healing ability.
I would suggest that you try to get her to a medical professional for treatment. The trauma from strangulation can cause death many hours after the attack due to the traumatized area swelling and cutting off circulation to the brain.
Good luck, and help your friend as much as she will let you.
–Richard
Hi,
My ex, mish *******, stangeled me in april 2008 and also hit me about 100 times and trew me 5 times on the floor…he damaged my back and he still pretends he is not a violent man…he also is a voyeur and a cleptoman…but he is very clever and he hides this side of him…so nobody believes me…this week end, for example, he has a stand and sells his vew-do boards and arbor snowboards on a anti violence event! he enjoys manipulating and lying to intelligent people so he feels better than them…how sick is that?
Karin
I was stangled twice by my familiar partner. No signs left… however since than I have troulbe to sleep and I cry every day… I feel I do not want to live anymore and I feel like in a constant state of depression. Unfortunatly I went to the police 9 months later….
When I relized that was not normal after 9 months to feel so lifeless and depressed.
I wander if anyone know of groups that help you out on the recovery… I have been under shock for several months… howful!!
i was not aware of that at the time.
I need help..
There are quite a few domestic violence support groups around the nation and world. I do not know where you are, but I would suggest contacting the local police or prosecurot’s office. They should have a victim advocate that can put you in touch with a recovery group.
Also, if you have a YWCA in the area, they should be able to provide a referral to you.
Good luck!
Can anyone tell me how long it takes for the red in a persons eyes to go away after being strangled? Is it a permanent condition?
I’m not a medical professional, so I would always suggest you seek one out for a definitive answer. My understanding, however, is that it is temporary. How long it takes your eyes to heal, and the redness to go away, depends on your body’s ability to heal and the amount of damage originally done.
Good luck,
Richard
Hi All,
I was strangled at a party when i was 23, i am now 26. I have now a permanently damaged voice that is a lot less powerful and sounds completley different. I am depressed from my voice, not the incident itself. I beg anyone if this happens god forbid, report the person immediately and have them charged, you have no idea the effect it has on you years later.
i have been to see 3 ENT’s all of which said i am fine, my family think i am crazy, but it hurts to talk, swallow, and breath.
i am from australia, i am willing to travel to have an operation if i can get this fixed, my email is aj2383@mac.com.
please let me know if you know any doctors in this area,
regards,
alex
My then, 6 year old son, was strangled by his “dad” (my ex-boyfriend, a violent and abusive psychopath) about 2 years ago during a court ordered visitation. The court knew this man was violent (2 prior protection orders in which he acknowledged he was a danger to his son) and still ordered him visitation with his child.
At the time of the attempted strangulation, there was already an investigation with CPS underway because my son stated that his dad beat him, held pillows over his face, and “choked” him while shaking him.
On the eve of the incident, I picked my son up from his visitation site (which was over an hour away from our home) and immediately noticed his eyes looked swollen and bruised; I noticed as well, that he had what appeared to be broken blood vessels on his neck, face, and in his eyes. He was also very lethargic and had a dazed look on his face. When questioned about the incident, he stated that his father had “choked” him while shaking him violently. He admitted that his throat hurt, he was having difficulty breathing, and that he had “seen all black” during the event. I immediately called the CPS investigator and was instructed to seek medical care.
The hospital staff took pictures (he also had a burn on his abdomen and numerous bruises covering his body), made a report, and then sent us on our way, instructing me to keep an appointment with CPS the following day.
I met with the CPS investigator the next day and was certain this case would be substantiated, however, it was not. I then sought the counsel of my attorney, whom drafted an emergency injunction to cease visitation. This order was subsequently denied by the court because two E.R. doctors couldn’t prove to the judge that the burn on my son was caused by a cigarette; they completely disregarded the attempted strangulation and accompanying evidence!
My son was forced to continue visitations and was repeatedly physically abused during visitations and eventually sexually molested by a girlfriend of the father. I also contacted CPS for this, but because previous investigations had been unsubstantiated, so was the sexual molestation, in their eyes.
I finally got so tired of the continued abuse and “abuser protection”, rather than child protection; that I fled with my son, in an attempt to protect him from further abuse. I have been on the run for almost 2 years and currently am in a lot of legal trouble because I went against a court order and denied visitation. I was also recently (indirectly) informed by a police officer (seeking my arrest), that an obviously insane or daft judge, revoked my sole legal and physical custody order, and has given full custody of my son to his “father”, solely because I ran with my son.
I can write with absolute certainty, that I am outraged beyond belief by this action and more certain that I will allow visitation with my child and this man only over my dead body.
Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do? I’ve traveled every route possible, and my child has yet to be heard, protected, and in receipt of due justice. Abuse is not taken seriously when it involves any form of domestic violence. The people that are supposed to protect our children are failing them with a nauseating frequency. My son told myself, hospital staff, CPS workers, teachers, police officers, and a therapist about being “choked” on numerous occasions, and nothing was done to prevent it from re-occurring. What has to happen before someone is going to take notice of this criminal act and punish the offenders who resort to the use of this “deadly weapon” on their own children and the domestic partners in their lives? I for one, will do anything in my power, in order to keep my son from becoming another victim statistic from death by strangulation.
This is my plea from one mother to another, from one human being to all my fellow human beings, help us, please! How do I stop this man from doing this to my son anymore, when the courts and child protective services openly allow the abuser to continue with the violence at the cost of a child?
I am open to any suggestions, thoughts, comments, resources, or simply emotional support.
Contact a DV shelter. They should have contacts of people who may be able to help you and your child, and they may be able to help you navigate this mess safely.
Hi,
I was manually strangled by my husband in Aug 2009.It was not longer time may be 20-30 seconds and mostly high pressure was on the side of right neck.After that I have consistant pain on my right side of neck upper right side back and right shoulder. I went to docter, but they got MRI and diognise that I have spondylosis , but after 30 years of age everybody got wear and tear of spinal disk,and I am around 50 years old, my pain is not from that,But pain is from that strangulation that cause soft tissue, muscules and ligaments are damaged that is causing pain ,that they are not diognisis I have consistant burning feelings behind my right ear too. I do not know where to get help for that. I have small C5-C6disk herniation too.before this incident I do not have any this kind of pain on my neck or shoulder.and spondylosis was may be before this trama too.How can I explain to doctor, I just want treatment and want to be recover. I do not want any other thing to do with this incident.
Hi,
I was manually strangled by my husband in Aug 2009.After that I have consistant pain on my right side of neck upper right side back and right shoulder. I went to docter, but they got MRI and diognise that I have spondylosis , but after 30 years of age everybody got wear and tear of spinal disk,and I am around 50 years old, my pain is not from that,But pain is from that strangulation that cause soft tissue, muscules and ligaments are damaged that is causing pain ,that they are not diognisis I have consistant burning feelings behind my right ear too. I do not know where to get help for that. I have small C5-C6disk herniation too.before this incident I do not have any this kind of pain on my neck or shoulder.and spondylosis was may be before this trama too.How can I explain to doctor, I just want treatment and want to be recover. I do not want to do anything else now just want to go away my pain.Many times in my sleep i feel that somebody is putting pressue on me and some times i woke up , some timesw i woke because in sleep i can not breath oroperly so i woke up than after few mins i will be fine.
I trusted a stranger and was in a park with them for at least 30 minutes and it was just geting dark when he turned on me and punched me in the head heaps, then when he had me down he strangled me till I passed out. It didn’t take long, I can just remember it getting hard to breath and trying to scream but I couldn’t, and trying to scratch him to hurt him and I can just remember my fear when I realised what was hapening, but I cant remember being scared for long, or anything else, until I woke up. I really want to know how long I was out for, and wether he strangle me unconcious more than once or not. I had that P thing in my eye and other signs and the police reckon the time frame from when I can last remember until I woke up was nearly one hour. I dont know what he did, but I know he is going to jail for a long time and I dont think this solves what happened to me, but it helps. Its asthough Ive turned nasty wanting him to suffer, but I do want him to suffer, and im not nasty.
I was strangled by my boyfriend today in front of my son.I felt fear for the first time in my life i wanted to scream for help but i couldnt i couldnt breath thats when he try to put the blanket in my face i felt even more fear as he wanted to cut my air and my vision.Besides the headache i feel really hurt and depressed inside really humiliated..
I strongly encourage you to seek medical treatment. Swelling in the neck can develop over the 12-24 hours after the attack to cut off air and blood flow in certain situations causing death.
I also strongly encourage you to report this to the local law enforcement agency. Depending on the laws of your state, the attack can be considered attempted murder or aggravated battery. Anyone who would do this to a loved one is more likely than others to actually kill you.
Even if you don’t call the police, please seek medical assistance.
Good luck,
Richard
i was strangled by my husband and couldnt fight back cause i was holding the baby.. as i read the different symptoms of what happens after i can only say that he is very lucky…. i didnt press charges or call the authorities,…. i have 2 lil kids who adore him but deep in my heart i can never be close to him again!
i just want to thank everyone who wrote here. I have been strangled by ex boyfriend three times, and all three times i went unconscious, as well as being smacked in the eye (which has caused flashes in my eye). He has also kicked me and punched me, and doesnt apologize for any of it.
last year in may we got into a huge fight, and he ended up strangling me until i was unconscious, and when i woke up he was standing over my body making sure i was still alive so that he could kick me, punch me, spit on me, and scream at me that he should kill me. when it was over he told me how pathetic i was, and i left, went to the hospital and called the police. i had a big knot on my face, and alot of the blood vessels in my eye broke, my face didnt fully heal for 18 days.
i pressed charges, and now we have a 5 year order of protection. I still question whether i was right because he constantly blames me for everything.
Reading all of your comments really do make me feel better. i am sad we have all had to deal with this but its good to know im not alone.
i have alot of intimacy problems now, and have flashbacks of being strangled. i dont know what to do. its been over a year and i still cant get over it
Last weekend I was strangled by my girlfriend during an argument. She choked me with my tie until I passed out. It was so fast that I don’t remember much. When I woke up she was crying and shaking me to wake me up. She apologized and kept saying she was sorry and that she thought she had killed me. This is not the first time this has happend.. well it is the first time she strangled me, but not the first time she has tried to hurt me. She gets this crazed look in her eye sometimes and seems to become another person and doesn’t have control of her actions.
I think I should get out of this situation, as I have trouble fighting back because I wouldn’t want to hurt her and she is probably about at least as strong as me anyway. She is really a sweet person when she is not enraged. After she realized what she had done she was genuinely remorseful, but still I was lucky to wake up. She said I was unconscious for over 5 minutes and she thought I was dead.
Also its kind of embarrassing to be on the opposite side of this kind of abuse. I find it difficult to talk about it, even to my therapist, like I’m a weakling for getting strangled by my girlfriend.
Gavin, that story hits home.
My ex would have screaming outbursts and swing when emotionally cornered. By that I mean, when caught in a lie or have an answer for a wrong committed. In defending myself and trying to calm her down, marks were left as she is fair skinned. The whole incident was traumatic and regrettable by the both of us, but in the end, the DA charged me with a major violation.
I now regret not reporting my non-visible injuries when responding officers asked, as days later I was charged due to her bruises caused during me trying to defuse the argument. Strangulation is a serious aspect of that, and since being charged have done a lot of reading on it, horrified at the unintended damage it can cause.
My big regret is not walking away, needing closure, the truth and keeping my love.
Getting out is probably best. Please note that reporting strangulation can result in heavy charges being pressed, no matter how much you want to ‘let it go’.
Be safe for the sake of you both.
my son was strangled about 3 weeks ago by a family member…i sure hope that the guy get locked up and never gets out..so he can never hurt anyone else.he’s 21 years old and didn’t deserve this.it was turned into the law and after about a week they arrested him and he got out on bond…why they give him that option to be out.my son did not seek medical treatment.he had mager brusing at the base of his neck…i would like him to seek medical treatment to insure that all is ok.but he has to be the one to do it…what does 3rd degreee strangulation carry as far as time in the pen?anyone no? thanks,norma
Norma, It all depends on what state you reside in. I suggest you Google the information. In Florida a person who commits domestic battery by strangulation commits a felony of the third degree which is punishable by up to five years imprisonment.
I have been involved for 3 1/2 years with a person who has been diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar, PTSD, and OCD. He was also formerly addicted to painkillers prescribed for neuropathy in his legs. The PTSD came from an incident with a former girlfriend he perceived as being controlling. It’s a long story, but it resulted in his being hauled at gunpoint from his home and put in a mental institution for observation for three days. The 5 year anniversary for this is coming up Oct. 30 (his birthday)through November 3.
I don’t want to drop the whole saga here, but he has strangled me three times. The first time was when he was switching medication and got some devastating news. He stopped of his own volition, springing back in horror. Therapist and pdoc said that it was related to the medication. Two years later this September, we were in a fight, it escalated, he became paranoid and psychotic, and attempted to strangle and hit me again. This was minor, there was pain or bruising or difficulty breathing. He was again remorseful and we went right to psychiatrist to get medication for psychosis. That was about a month ago. Last night we had a fight, it escalated. Recently I had been prescribed Vicodin for back pain and he told me he was uneasy with it being in the house when I first started three weeks ago, but had seemed to adjust just fine.
Last night he was crying and said “It’s taking every ounce of strength to not leap up and throw you on the floor to get that vicodin and get high. I just want to stop being me for a little while.” I told him that I admired his strength and would remove the temptation. He came in after I had flushed the vicodin and began strangling me, demanding that I give it to him. This time it hurt, I felt blood thudding in my ears and could talk but just barely. I did not lose consciousness. After about a minute I talked him down and we called his therapist, who calmed him down enough for him to get to sleep.
He was extremely remorseful. I know that when he is “himself” I am safe, but I also know that the episodes come on very quickly, and now I know that when they do, I am at risk.
I support him completely financially, but we have been discussing his moving out, and I believe he has to now. He is looking into applying for medical disability and both this therapist and pdoc think that is appropriate.
12 hours later, my neck feels swollen, there are some faint bruises starting to emerge, and redness. There is a place of pain on my right larynx and I can swallow fine, but it hurts. It feels a bit better than last night. My whole throat area aches. I cannot get medical attention because they are obligated to report it as domestic violence. Anything I can do to help it myself? He is only 28, a type 1 diabetic with neuropathy in his legs, I don’t want to ruin his life. But I do want to take care of myself.
Anonymous,
Your situation is far too complex for a simple answer. However, I believe you are in serious danger and should seek police assistance immediately. The person who is violent toward you will not stop, and the violence will become worse with time. Many of the things you mentioned are indicators of lethality, suggesting that your odds of being killed by this man are significantly greater for you than for most other people.
Time for therapy is long past. It is my belief that you now need to find a safe way out of this violent relationship before you are killed. Contact your local police department or women’s shelter for immediate assistance and support.
He is responsible for his actions: not you and not society. He is the one who has ruined his life: not you and not society. Get out now while you still can.
-Richard
Anonymous,
I completely agree with Richard. Having nearly 15 years in law enforcement I can tell you that the vast majority of cases involving an abuser of this level will only result in an ever-increasing level of violence against you – until DEATH! You cannot solve his problems – medical, psychological, and his own drug abuse. Staying in that relationship can only end in tragedy for you.
I understand your concern for him and his health issues, but his actions have clearly identified his inability to control himself. You remain in peril as long as you are near him!
Get help! Contact your local shelter, or abuse hotline and they will provide you a wealth of information on how to get help. If you are unwilling to go to the police, you should at least seek a protection order.
Good luck.
It happened again two days ago. I feel like I have no recourse. I cant fight because then it would be my fault, but she is very strong. My girlfriend strangled me again, this time with her hands. I passed out again. I am very afraid I wont wake up next time, but Im also very afraid to tell someone. Who would believe me?
Gavin –
You need to seek professional assistance. I suggest calling the police. If you do not want to talk to a police officer, there should still be a victim advocate with the local law enforcement agency or prosecutors office that you can talk to. Additionally, there is likely to be a local support group or agency that can assist.
You have to seek out the assistance and ask for help. Good luck.
-Richard
Gavin,
You have every reason to be afraid. Your own intellect is telling you that bad things are going to happen. If you ignore the warnings you may not live to realize your error. You must find a way to separate yourself from this abuser. That means finding separate living arrangements, and quite possibly completely separating contact with her.
Contact your local abuse hotlines to seek help and get assistance. You should also seek a protection order. In many states, the protection order will allow you to stay in the residence while the abuser has to leave. This is a temporary solution until there is a hearing on the matter in the court, but it might give you time to prepare for your living arrangements.
Good luck – Get out so you can live!
Hey guys, I finally got out of this toxic relationship. It took awhile, but i realized its just not worth it. The crazed look in her eye was simply part of her relationship with me and not some break with reality. She definitely was at some level co-dependant, but then again so was I, but she has this snapping point to where she can’t control herself any longer and the longer we were together the easier it became for her to get to this point. When she would get to this point it was just her way to go for my throat…literally. I had to leave. The last straw was her hitting me with a glass bottle and then trying to choke me in front of many of our friends. I got a restraining order and haven’t seen her in 2 months.
You can get out of this cycle, just see that your life is more important and even if you love this abuser, its not worth loosing your life over. If they kill you it will ruin their life as well! I don’t think she is inherently a bad person, but I just can’t do it any longer. She’s a bad person for me. She needs help and I am not the person to give it to her. Hope everyone is well here. Please get help at all costs!
My husband ad i very rarely drink. We have a very volitile relationship although it hardly ever becomes physical. The other night we drank with some friends excessivly. I have very little rememberance of the night and he doesnt either. I woke up with a very sore neck and shoulder as well as red spots in my eyes and a few bruises. It hurts to swallow and seems as though something is out of place in my neck. In trying to remember i have become scared because i think my husband tried to strangle me. I think i may remember it. This would be a new level of violence i have seen from him and it scares me. I dont even know how to bring this up to him without either upsetting him or havung him go on the defense.
I’ve been married for 2 1/2 years! I have three kids and he has two. His a basically mine I’m the only mother they know! Anyway my husband was ask by a friend, if he wanted to try meth. My husband told him yes but to ask me. I told him not no but HELl NO! Any way when we got home, it became a fight. I was a stuck up b@@ch that thought I was better than everyone else and he wanted to do it. And he was leaving and I could have the kids! Just anything nasty and degrading that you can say to anyone he said it too me. The last time he called me a b@@ch I put my hand out to smack the crap out of him! And he grabbed me by my throat and pinned me to the bed! I mouthed I can’t breath. And he let me go! And said I made him do it! This morning I can’t swallow with out my throat hurting. And my neck is swelling, and im losing my voice! What can I do at home to help the pain and swelling! I can’t mess up this kids life! I’m all they have. Im not leaving them! I can keep my mouth shut let him do what he wants and deal with it! I’ve never been thru anything like this and it’s my fault it happened! I just want to stop the swelling in pain right now! Thank you,
You need to seek immediate medical treatment. Your condition may be life threatening. If you die who will care for the children then? You did not cause this. He is responsible for his own actions. Please, seek medical help!
Jane:
I am the Executive Director of a domestic violence organization and am concerned for your safety and also that of the children. I am not sure if you are aware of the services available to victims in your area, but we would be happy to help you with that. Further, the children are at risk of being abused themselves. 30-60% of those who abuse their intimate partner also abuse children in the home (or they will eventually). Children who witness violence in the home are 1000 times more likely (literally) to be abused or abusive as adults because domestic violence is a learned behavior. There is support for you and FAR more people than you would think have been victims. 1 in 4 women will be a victim of abuse at some point in her life. It is certainly challenging to find the strength to get help, but it is going to get increasinly more serious. When someone gets to the point they have strangled you, your life is at risk. If there is a weapon in the home, you are horribly at risk. Please take the warning signs seriously. More information is available at both our website (including our hotline) at http://www.annapolisywca.org. You can also NNEDV National Netwok to End Domestic Violence online which has load of information as well as the national hotline.
Molly,
Thanks for chiming in and offering your insight. If there is anything we can do to help your organization, let us know.
Richard
Thank you! I will!
I am a registered nurse, and have documented a number of domestic violence cases for a Family Justice Center. When talking to survivors of manual strangulation, they often felt frustrated when they sought medical help at local hospitals because the nurses and doctors did not want to validate the signs and symptoms as consistent with strangulation.
There are a number of domestic violence resource centers now, both in the U.S. and other countries. If you are able to contact a resource center, they understand your situation, and can provide you with information on getting help.
Milt,
Thank you very much for your work and for sharing the information.
Richard
Hi my husband & i got into an agrument the other day over me reading emails from other girls to him. I pushed him to get him out of my face and he all the suddens grabbs me by my throat and throws me against the wall. He didnt squeeze but held me against the wall. I got loose and kicked him out. My muscles in my neck felt like they got real tight the day after and now its been 4 days and my throat is still sore. Its only my right side of my throat sort of like im getting a cold. Any suggestions ?
Lele,
My suggestion: seek medical treatment.
Good luck,
Richard
My husband has a drug problem and he has made us loose so much that we couldn’t afford the house we was renting anymore. He straightened up only for a month and gave me the money so we wouldn’t become homeless and we found somewhere else right up the road from where we lived. We started moving in Friday and when he got off of work Saturday evening he was acting funny. He took off in the vehicle to go do drugs and to make a long story short that Sunday I called my daughter to come and get me and he was asking for the money when I was on the phone and I would not give it to him so he grabbed the phone away from me and I went out the door to walk to the store to get some cigarettes and he followed me and grabbed my neck and then got behind me and picked me up in a choke hold and carried me back into the house by my neck with my feet off the ground. I honestly thought he was gonna kill me, I felt dizzy and felt my face swell up and get hot. I could not breath and I thought this is it. He threw me down on the bed and told me that he was tired of me telling our business to people and he wanted his money. Anyways he has done this before 2 years ago and said that he would never do it again. The phone was ringing and I told him to let me answer the phone cause my daughter would call the police if I don’t answer it so he let me and it was Time Warner so I talked to the man and started crying while I went out of the house and ask him to call 911 that my husband had choked me and I am not sure what will happen that he was coming after me and I just didn’t know what he was gonna do next. I hung up the phone because my husband told me to get back in the house and stop acting crazy and as I was walking up the steps I dialed 911 and layed the phone down. He lefted and the police got here shortly after that. Now the state of North Carolina is charging him and he is in jail under a $15,000.00 bond and I have took out a restraining order yesterday. His family is probably mad at me but he has a problem and the reason I am sharing my story this evening is because it might help someone in this situation to know what they can do sometimes. I know every situation is different. But my inner ear is still hurting and my tooth was chipped and my tongue was bruised and yesterday it was not hurting so bad and my tongue bruising went away but now my inner ear and throat is hurting again. So I am not sure what he has done to it. But it was said that he said in court that they was wasting their time that I would never show up in court and that it was self defense that I knew that and I started it. I don’t want to go into alot of detail about what all happened but I hope this can be of use to someone else. May GOD Bless Us All!!!!
Last night I got into a serious fight with my boyfriend. All of it escalated over a matter that could have easily been resolved. But, I tend to be a person that once sparked or enraged, I do not necessarily know when to stop my destructive and volatile behavior. So, I poked/slapped/laughed/demeaned him to the point that he reached his boiling point. Pushing me hard into the sofa, he took his belt off as if to strike me. Angered, I came towards him and dared him to hit me. Noticing he was acting insanely, he retreated and went to the bedroom. I followed him upstairs and continued to bait him. Eventually, he put his hands around my throat and strangled me for a minute or so. Today, I have such pain in my neck area, especially on the right side of my neck. I feel as if my neck, chin, glands are swollen. My throat hurts when swallowing, the back of my neck is sore, and the lower part of the right side of my scalp also hurts. I even have a slight headache. The middle of my back towards the right side feels bruised as well. I imagine this is all bruising from the actual strangulation and I contemplate whether to go to the hospital at all.
I do not condone my behavior, nor his. It is rather sad that this occurred at all. Now I hope that I will be fine, and that these are remnants of the pressure placed against my throat area.
i was strangled yesterday after an argument with my husband who apparently was out drinking while i was asleep. when i woke up in the morning his vehicle was gone…..but he was here. confused by all of this, i asked him what happened to his car. this sparked an argument that escalated to him dumping beer on me and chasing me to the upper level of our home. he broke the door down and pushed me so hard that i was airborne and flew across the room. he then proceeded to strangle me until all i remember was going numb and blacking out. i came to gasping for air…i dunno how much longer after he released his grip, but i was able to get away from him and call 911. the police came and took him to jail. we have 2 children 7 and 3 and have been together for 10 years. he has been in recovery for 8 of those years for alcoholism and drug addiction and recently relapsed. this is so devastating to my family and i am full of fear and hopelessness. my kids are so confused why their dad whom they have always had a good relationship with is now gone. i explained to my older son the best that i could without getting into gory details. i love my children more then anything, and i know i need to take care of myself and them right now. im just scared to be a single mom and to move on….but i know this is what needs to be done. im lucky i survived yesterday and that they didn”t find me.
I was strangled 3 daya ago & I’m still grasping for air. Can anyone tell me how long will this last?
I too was strangled by my husband the other day I’m dealing with sharp pain on the right side of my neck and I can hardly swallow and my neck is swollen and it also feels like I have a hard time trying to get air sad part is that my mom went thru the same thing I never thought I would have to experience this
Riri-
The pain and swelling in your neck are likely from muscle strain and soft tissue injury from the strangulation and struggle.
There should be a non-profit or law enforcement agency in your area that provides services to survivors of domestic violence. Reach out to them to see if they know of any medical professionals that are familiar with injuries related to domestic violence.
You probably have little or no bruising visible on your neck-the pain is from tissue damage inside the neck, so medical professionals not familiar with DV related injuries will not know how to assess you properly.
my fiancee and I went out drinking 2 nights ago and when we got home an arguement lead out. He grabbed me front the front and proceeded to strangle me and slammed me into the wall with the back of my head. Then a second time he did it and slammed me into the mirror a third time after stangling me he through me onto the floor. After this I got up and he grabbed my hair and slun me to the floor again then told me to get up and he grabbed me in thefront and started strangling me again and I woke up on the floor as he kicked me in the stomach. I got up tried to get to the door and he shoved me to the floor and I hit my back on the edge of bed and now I have bruises and stratches on my back. He then pulled me up by the throat and threw me on the bed and proceeded to strangle me again. I now can barely talk at all my throat has swollen knots on right and left side my whole neck is soar. I moved several states away from my family to be with this man that I have known for many years and I have nowhere to go. I dont know anyone here. I have scratches and bruises on several parts of my body from the struggle in general very visable to the public and he shows no remorse at all. He will barely look at me. I never thought he was capable of this at all. Should I be concerned about these knots on my throat/neck area? Please help with responce. Thanks
Hi Tina,
I’m so sorry that you have been a victim of such horrific violence. I strongly recommend you seek medical treatment at your doctor or at the hospital. Frankly, the internal damage to your body is impossible to diagnose in any other way and it could be very serious.
I would also suggest contacting your local law enforcement agency for assistance. Even if you decline to report the crime, they should be able to assist with getting you somewhere safe. Also, the medical staff will be able to recommend people to reach out to for help.
-Richard
You should be very concerned! Not just about your health but everything that has went on. I was in the same spot you are now. I had no family and all of our friends were friends with both of us. He is going to make you feel like it’s your fault. No matter what you do I don’t care what started it. No one I mean no one! Has the right to beat you! And he doesn’t care. If you don’t get out next time you might not be so lucky. Please get in touch with law enforcement and get out of there. And you need medical attention ASAP!
Tina-
Those swollen knots on either side of your neck may be bruises within the muscles. The difficulty medical professionals will have is that they probably won’t be able to see any bruises on the surface of your neck, even though you are in pain.
Many areas of the U.S. and a number of other countries now have domestic violence resources. If you can, do an internet search for local support programs besides the local police/sheriff’s office.
As Richard said, you should seek medical attention to evaluate your injuries/painful neck.
I was strangled tonight by my spouse of 31 years again. This did not happen for a very long time. I was lucky to get hold of his thumb finger in my mouth and bit him till his nail was all blue, otherwise I would surely be dead tonight. I was thrown to the floor and strangled by him with both his arms, he weights about 118 kg and I am only weighing about 52 kg. I was so desperate that if I could get hold of the butchers knife in the holder in my kitchen, I would surely have killed him. Matter of the fact is that we are this glamorous couple in society and no one knows about this abuse – the previous time he hit me so hard that my nose was broken an I have to made it off as a water ski accident. Tomorrow I must be back in the office in a management position, attending meetings, and must be able to look as if nothing has happend! Is there any cure for a swollen andebloody sore throat? I need that cure urgently as I have to make presentations tomorrow – please assist!!
Wanda-
Unfortunately, domestic violence affects all levels of society. The best approach is to seek appropriate medical evaluation to check the source of the bleeding in your throat, and the extent of injury from the assault.
You might also look for a local domestic violence resource agency, which may be able to help you confidentially.
naha – You have to be honest with your medical provider to obtain the best possible treatment for your injury. I am not qualified to offer any medical advice in this matter.
I hope you have left the person who has been strangling you. If you need assistance in finding resources for assistance in getting away, let me know.